Middle-Earth Fanfiction Awards

Eating for Two

Author: Branwyn (Lady Branwyn)
Nominator: Larner
2011 Award Category: Drabble: Men - First Place

Story Type: Drabble : Length: True Drabble
Rating: General -- Reason for Rating: N/A
Summary: Written for the Tolkien_weekly "Teatime" challenge. Drabble of 100 words. "All other duties as assigned," the job description said. Too late did the Man discover exactly what those words meant...


Reviewed by: Larner -- Score: 10

Now and then we merely need a good laugh, and there is no question that this one gives us just that! Sauron required someone to offer specific services for him, particularly as, since he’d lost his last fana, he wasn’t exactly easy for many others to necessarily perceive or even respond to. Someone must serve as his herald and bear his demands to those just about to get crushed, after all! But what if the duties of the Mouth of Sauron are a bit more—literal? For, after all, most don’t just talk with their mouths? Branwyn here has given us a delightfully witty look at just what else the Mouth of Sauron might be required to do for his demanding lord, and indicates that Sauron himself might have been a preciously picky eater when he had a proper body to care for. One can only imagine what he would have demanded of his cooks and servers during the years he lived in Númenor at Ar-Pharazôn’s expense! (And I do imagine Pharazôn deserved that expense at that! Heh!) And to read the Mouth’s own thoughts in response to his lord’s demands—oh it’s simply too rich! I roared when I read this, and must thank her for brightening my day and honor her for her brilliant take on the “other duties” his herald might have been required to perform. Really, he ought to have read the help wanted advertisement perhaps a bit more closely and thought out the implications more thoroughly! Definitely a picker-upper, and I so hope others enjoy it as much as I did!

Reviewed by: Elleth -- Score: 10

I normally try to be a bit less informal in my MEFA reviews than usual, but in this case my first reaction probably bears repeating all the same: LMAO!!! The title is just a tad misleading in the best possible way: Recalling the old adage about pregnancy, which (having read the drabble) is a yet funnier notion, [Eating for Two] instead describes the OTHER trials and tribulations of the Mouth of Sauron, making the title literal in a wholly different way than his speaking stint at the Black Gate. Who knew that the Dark Lord had a passion for raspberry tarts and tea, but not cream puffs? Poor Mouth of Sauron. One wonders, with this kind of job, how he ever stayed in shape for other duties associated with the job description, but I suppose an overabundance of sugary teatimes with Sauron would at least explain the poor dental hygiene we get to see in the movie. ;) The Dark Lord might want to invest in some healthcare for his employees... or not, being a Dark Lord worthy of the title. Who knew that raspberry tarts might actually be a form of torture, intentional or not? A clever, unexpected look behind the scenes of the Dark Tower of Mordor, in the most implausibly funny way I've seen yet at this year's MEFAs. Tolkien might be rotating in his grave if he read this heretical little piece, but from laughter.

Reviewed by: Virtuella -- Score: 5

Dear Lady Branwyn, they say the secret of humour is surprise, and you have proven that wonderfully in this drabble. I wondered what on Middle-earth was going on and then suddenly, wham, snort, punchline! The Mouth of Sauron indeed! That is priceless, just priceless. Thanks for giving me such a laugh. I wish I could say more about this to up the score, but alas, it's hard to write much about a drabble. Perhaps I should say that it worries me a little to be so like Sauron: I, too, would always prefer raspberry tarts to cream puffs. Should I see a psychologist? Or merely be wary of Hobbits?

Reviewed by: Ellie -- Score: 4

How funny! That was so unexpected and so very amusing. I feel very sorry for the Mouth of Sauron for what he endured just being the mouth of such an evil dude. But...to have to only eat what Souron used to like to eat? That is so totally unfair. Or maybe it is just desserts for the nameless man having stooped so low as to allow himself to become the Mouth of Sauron in the first place. I enjoyed this very much. Thank you for writing it and for sharing it!

Reviewed by: Tanaqui -- Score: 4

Lady Branwyn has created an unexpected and amusing play on words in this drabble. I do enjoy pieces about villains which take a less-than-serious approach to them and this delivers in spades. What works particularly well is the choice of food and descriptions of it: there's something very Shire-like about it that is completely incongruous in this setting and that highlights the humour all the more. Delightfully done!

Reviewed by: Levade -- Score: 3

Ever taken a job position that you later regretted? I imagine this fellow did! The title fits deceptively well, leading you down paths that have little to do with what is actually written. But it's perfect, and the image Branwyn creates, of shadowy master and hapless servant, is going to stick with me for a while. Great job!

Reviewed by: cairistiona -- Score: 3

Oh my goodness, this had me very nearly shrieking with laughter! It was only the fear of scaring my dog that kept me quiet. Such a clever, funny little drabble. I may never view the Mouth of Sauron the same way again.

Reviewed by: Erulisse -- Score: 3

What a hilarious definition of the "Mouth" of Sauron Lady Branwyn has presented here. And the fact that the Mouth does all of this work for his master who still doesn't appreciate it is par for the course. A drabble well worth reading for the pure humor and enjoyment of it.

Reviewed by: Adonnen Estenniel -- Score: 2

What an amusing take on a grim character! I love this interpretation that Lady Branwyn has offered us--it's fresh and humorous and enjoyable. Well done!

Reviewed by: Melusine -- Score: 2

Nicely done, humorous drabble. Talk about a distasteful job! I suppose he learned his lesson: Always read the details.

Reviewed by: Ragnelle -- Score: 1

Oh, this made me laugh, and that does not happen all that often. Delightfull!

Reviewed by: grey_gazania -- Score: 1

Oh, I laughed! What a hoot! Excellently done, Branwyn.