The Mark of a... Warrior?

Author: Ariel

Nominator: Marta

2005 Award Category: Races/Places: Cross-Cultural: Humor - First Place

Story Type: Vignette  ✧  Length: Short Story

Rating: PG-13  ✧  Reason for Rating: potty humour

Summary: A bit of potty humor. You know that a group of men of different races would do this at least once.

Read the Story

Reviewed by: Marigold  ✧  Score: 10

Oh dear! The way this starts out as some sort of grim adventure story makes the rest of it even more hilarious! Well done how the author doesn’t name any of the characters until the story is almost over, but it isn’t necessary, we have no trouble knowing who is who. I thought it quite proper that it was beneath Legolas’s dignity to give a toss what his own results might be, but was rather surprised that he needed to perform this function at all seeing as he doesn’t ever need to bathe or sleep or do any of those other mundane things. Gimli gave in rather gracefully, but what could he do, the results were right there in front of him. Merry at least had the good grace to blush, though I am not sure he knew *quite* what was happening and might just have been a bit bewildered as to why his companions were so interested in what he was doing. I was a bit surprised that little Pippin and staid Frodo bested Merry, but in fairness I think that Merry felt a bit anxious and rather embarrassed by the regard of the others and wasn’t quite up to snuff that morning. Not that he had anything to be ashamed of. Leave it to Pippin to notice what was going on though! The way that Frodo just rolled his eyes and went back to join Merry seemed very fitting – obviously they are quite well-bred gentlehobbits. Sam was the perfect one to be last up! Wonderfully funny story, and a very imaginative idea!

Reviewed by: Thundera Tiger  ✧  Score: 7

*snort* Oh, this was priceless. Absolutely priceless. I was laughing so hard the first time I read it that I had to stop a few times in order to breathe. I think part of what makes this so funny is the way it dances around what is happening. As readers, we all know what's going on, but the narrative never comes right out and says it. And the characters do the same thing. No one ever says anything about what's happening, but they all know it. I loved watching them get up with various degrees of awareness, and I loved watching that awareness grow as things begin to click. I gave a loud guffaw at the reproving remark of "Pippin" and I laughed loudest of all at the very end when Gandalf looks up and mutters "hobbits." But my favorite part was probably the fact that the hobbits won, and they won without even trying because it took them longest to realize there was a contest of sorts happening. Oh dear. Pardon me while I wander off and guffaw some more.

Reviewed by: SilverMoonLady  ✧  Score: 7

This is a wonderful piece of humor, so very very based in the realities we all know, and yet still in the spirit of the setting. There is little doubt in anyone’s mind, certainly after reading this, that something very like this !had! to have happened somewhere along the way! I particularly loved how much personality Ariel managed to express in very few words, by the simple, often short interactions of the Fellowship. And to have so called ‘potty humor’ in fanfic and it not be crass, gross or just plain icky is a testament to this lady’s ability to make words dance as she wills! Needless to say, being, a woman, a mother, a sister and an avowed tomboy, I laughed my little rear end off throughout the piece, and I keep close at hand when I need to remember to humor the lads in my life: their all just lads after all!

Reviewed by: Rabidsamfan  ✧  Score: 4

Omg, help! *falls off chair howling* I loved this the first time I read it, although you hadn't dealt with Gandalf then, and I love it now all the more. I thought I'd break something when I read that last line and considered the implications! *takes a deep puff on her asthma inhaler* This is still one of the most brilliant, hilarious, bang-on-target vignettes about the travels of the Fellowship that has ever hit the internet and I hope you get lots of points for it!

Reviewed by: Leaward  ✧  Score: 4

Oh, this one had me laughing out loud, quite literally. It is a story I can fully appreciate being the only female in a houseful of men. Yes, Ariel, I think this probably would have happened at some point on their journey. And I love how the hobbit has the last, um, laugh. And that the elf has the wisdom, and humour to appreciate it. And the icing on the cake? Mithrandir's reaction. Hobbits, indeed! A lovely entry for the Humour section. Very very well done!

Reviewed by: Werecat  ✧  Score: 3

One of the funniest pieces I've read in FFnet - or anywhere, for that matter. OK, so it may be what some people might call as "potty humor", but it was damn funny anyway. As I see it, it's only logical that males of all species would act this way - I know my brothers do. I only hoped that Gandalf would participate too... Oh, well, you can't have everything.

Reviewed by: Dreamflower  ✧  Score: 3

I have to say how tickled I was by this story. I never stopped chuckling while I read it. Funny how the male of the species--whatever species it may be--seems to always be competitive. But I never thought I would actually read a story about a literal pissing contest. The whole thing is so obvious, yet the author never actually says the word. Very funny!

Reviewed by: Marta  ✧  Score: 3

Oh, this was a fun read to revisit. You're right, I can't imagine an all-male company of representatives of all those different races with their unique anatomies, wandering around in the wilderness for two weeks, not doing this. And the bird's-eye view you give us is the perfect distance to make this really work.

Reviewed by: Larian Elensar  ✧  Score: 2

Yep. Typical males. I was a bit confused by the lack of names, but as I read, I think that the style fit, it was much more amusing to *not* name them.

Reviewed by: Nancy Brooke  ✧  Score: 2

So funny ... and explores nicely what must have been an ordinary and oft repeated moment in the trip in a very amusing - but oh so typically male - way!

Reviewed by: Dwimordene  ✧  Score: 2

The bathroom rituals of males are utterly incomprehensible, but I wouldn't argue with the author's assertion: yes, this probably would happen at least once!

Reviewed by: grey_wonderer  ✧  Score: 1

Entirely too funny! I loved it. Makes me laugh out loud every time I read it!

Reviewed by: Bodkin  ✧  Score: 1

Oh dear! You have observed far too many men! (True though. And most amusing.)