Nominator: Branwyn (Lady Branwyn)
2009 Award Category: Genres: Humor
Story Type: Story ✧ Length: Ficlet
Rating: Teen ✧ Reason for Rating: m/m implied
Summary: Gimli has heard some disturbing rumors, and wants to set the record straight.
Reviewed by: Imhiriel ✧ Score: 7
At first, I thought Gimli sounded suspiously defensive about a posited attraction towards Legolas, particularly in the way he enumerates his admirable qualities at quite some length. As the story went on, though, he convinced me of his sincerity. I think my favourite detail is the way ["He's good at braiding."] is sneaked it so unobtrusively and dead-pan into the list of other "normal" skills Legolas possesses. But considering the title of the piece and Gimli's further ramblings, it may not be so unusual. I don't share his erotic predilections, but I must admit I was drawn in very quickly as he waxed almost poetically and actually quite sensuously about his preferences. The allusions to the eponymous song "Hair" are very clever - you can see the parallels, in the choice of words and even in the rhythm, but it is never too obvious. Gimli's voice is absolutely spot-on (never mind the quite uncanonical subject matter). And the ending was quite endearing in its awkwardly crude way.
Reviewed by: Oshun ✧ Score: 6
Ive always loved the fandom trope relating to Legolass possible reaction to Gimlis hairiness and/or Gimlis reactions to Legolass paucity of body hair. I honestly do not think that anyone has ever done it better. This one is definitely my new favorite in the genre. I doubt that anyone could trump it. The words that you put into Gimlis mouth say it better than I ever could: [He's pale and bland and - there's no kind way to say this - hairless. I've seen the Elf naked, and, to be honest, I was hard put not to be completely revolted. Under his clothing he looks like a skinned rabbit.] And if that didnt make the point loud and clear, Gimli waxing eloquent over the bearded, brawny, hairy Rohirrim nails it. I thought I was going to die of admiration when I read it. It is bawdy and funny and actually very sweet. Oh, Gimli, I want to say, Go for it! You deserve it! [Between the flowing hair - vivid auburn, flame red, sunlit wheat, flaxen white - and the beards - cunningly braided and ornamented, beads and bells and tiny bits of gold . See that man over there, the one who looks like a blacksmith, huge arms and a neck like a bull.] Wickedly hilarious interpretation of Gimli and absolutely convincing explanation of his taste in beauty. I do not doubt for a moment that this is an entirely plausible reaction to those strong Rohirrim.
Reviewed by: Larner ✧ Score: 4
Few, as I've said many times, can say more with so few words as Ann! I truly love this, in spite of my innate aversion to most hints of homosexuality among the members of the Fellowship. The idea, however, that Gimli is turned on by old-fashioned hair--that is wonderful! I love the reasons why Gimli finds Legolas to be less that attractive as a possible sexual partner! Humorous and a bit shocking, and a nice poke-in-the-eye for the "Gimli Loves Legolas" crowd! Heh! I must say it was fun to giggle at this one!
Reviewed by: Dwimordene ✧ Score: 4
Oh Lord, I remember reading this the first time and laughing hysterically at how spot-on this is: finally, somebody gets Gimli's erotic aesthetics down pat! Ann delivers this short little rebuttal with all the straightforwardness that seems appropriate to Gimli, and manages quite well to get the reader to feel his recoil and shudder of horror and disgust when he claims of Legolas that [there's no kind way to say this - hairless. I've seen the Elf naked, and, to be honest, I was hard put not to be completely revolted. Under his clothing he looks like a skinned rabbit.] Now that's a description! And the last line, with its bad pick-up line, is a great close for this piece - thanks for the laugh, Ann!
Reviewed by: Nancy Brooke ✧ Score: 3
Ha! What a line ... for a comical piece this really genuinely explores dwarven culture. The sensual aspects are rich and compelling. To dismiss this as just a bit of humor would be a diservice both to the reader and the writer.
Reviewed by: Virtuella ✧ Score: 3
Oho, this is daring. But quite right, I think dwarves just as much as anyone else would find their own species the most attractive. Unfortunately, I now have the "Hair" song from the musical stuck in my head... ;-)
Reviewed by: Raksha the Demon ✧ Score: 3
Ann presents Gimli's very frank reflections on dwarven sensuality and some of his own quite definite tastes. No, they don't include a certain Elf. Humorous yet also culturally plausible.
Reviewed by: Marta ✧ Score: 3
Hee! Oh, this is a fun jibe at Legolas/Gimli slash. Quite a novel (and funny, and believable) reason of why they just wouldn't work out. Makes one wonder what he and Erkenbrand were really getting up to at Aglarond. I highly recommend this to anyone needing a laugh.
Reviewed by: crowdaughter ✧ Score: 2
*snort* This is a lovely idea, and I especially liked the end. Way to set the record straight, it is! But I can completely follow Gimli's reasoning, here. Very well done! ;D
Reviewed by: Nieriel Raina ✧ Score: 1
An amusing look from Gimli's point of view of how the dwarves view hair.
Reviewed by: Clodia ✧ Score: 1
This is a hilarious snippet! And I love these very lush, delicious descriptions of hair.