Fair Wanderer, Thou Makest Me Sick

Author: Araloth the Random

Nominator: Eldalie

2010 Award Category: Genres: Humor: Parody or Black Humor

Story Type: Story  ✧  Length: Short Story

Rating: Teen  ✧  Reason for Rating: Mild sexual references, mild violence.

Summary: Whilst wandering through Ithilien Legolas has the misfortune to meet a Sue in denial who thinks she can speak Shakespearean English.

Read the Story

Reviewed by: Eldalie  ✧  Score: 6

Nobody likes Mary, but she keeps cropping up. Fortunately for us, some authors, and Araloth among them, know how to deal with this menace, and indeed they could make theirs Gandalf's words: ["You shall not pass!" ] Written in the iconoclastic, scathing and hilarious style that is Araloth's signature, this is the fic that has brought Sue-bashing to a whole new level. In the short space of a oneshot Araloth zeroes in on all that makes Sues the nightmare of any self-respecting reader: improbable origins? Check! Disgusting sappiness? Check. The tendency to hit on Legolas? Check! But wait, the Elf three quarters of Tolkien fangirls wished they could get their hands on may have something to say about it... Because Araloth, in all of her brilliant writing, holds one firm point: none better, to bash the Sue, than her not-so-impotent victims...

Reviewed by: Larner  ✧  Score: 4

If not all who wander are lost, how is one intended to lose himself to an impossibly glamorous MarySue (sorry, [Sue Marie]) supposed to protect himself? This glorious poke at MarySues everywhere is so delightful, and particularly as we see the actuality of this particular creature exposed as Legolas deliberately and quite literally punctures its mystical seeming. And love this one's take on both the hymn to Elbereth and Shakespeare. Indeed, a remarkably empty head on a most exaggerated seeming! Lots of fun!

Reviewed by: Virtuella  ✧  Score: 3

I'm not a great fan of Mary Sue parodies in general, but this one is actually rather funny. The words to the song were particulalrly good, and I had fun imagining birds chirping the tune of [I'm a Little Teapot].

Reviewed by: The Lauderdale  ✧  Score: 3

There are a lot of Mary Sue parodies out there, but this particular maiden heartily denies the charge: ["My name is Sue Marie,"] she says instead! I got a kick out of Sue Marie's unique approach to Shakespearean speech: just put -eth at the end of everything, whether it belongs there or not. ["I'm half Elf, half Man, half Vala and half Dragon. Eth."] Very amused.

Reviewed by: Cairistiona  ✧  Score: 3

What a wickedly funny parody... any writer that can insert "Uzbekistan" into Middle-earth is worth her weight in mithril. And the ending... without getting spoilerish, the ending will have anyone weary of the Mary Sues overpopulating fanfiction.net pumping a fist in the air with a shout of "YES!!!"

Reviewed by: Maethril  ✧  Score: 3

I think I reviewed this story on Fanfiction.net. I'll contribute towards this story's progress in the MEFA's too. I absolutely adore Sue Marie's Shakespearean English in this, and Legolas's reaction. Not to mention the fate of the Shakespeareth!Sue. Thanks for making my day :-) -Maethril

Reviewed by: Linda Hoyland  ✧  Score: 3

A delightfully amusing and clever Mary-Sue parody. This one reminded me a bit of Violet Elizabeth from the William books, minus the dragon part. I especially loved the song and the Sue's weird ancestry.