Tears on the Battlefield

Author: Alassante

Nominator: Alassante

2010 Award Category: Genres: Humor: Parody or Black Humor

Story Type: Story  ✧  Length: Ficlet

Rating: General  ✧  Reason for Rating: N/A

Summary: Some of the House of Finwë prepares for The Final Battle.

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Reviewed by: Ignoble Bard  ✧  Score: 7

Here it is, the final battle of good versus evil and all those Feanorians can do is argue. Typical. Everyone is back to take on Morgoth, and each other, in this tongue-in-cheek look at Ambar-metta as the Elves prepare for battle. Even Feanor gets to participate, although dealing with his offspring probably makes him wish he’d stayed in Mandos a bit longer. This story is one of the funniest I had read in a long while, with a plethora of great lines. In fact, there is scarcely a line in this story that doesn’t produce a chuckle or guffaw. It would be difficult to choose which was the funniest, and I couldn’t possibly quote them all anyway, but this one never fails to crack me up: [““How did we end up following this guy? Who is he anyway?” Fëanor looked towards his brother. “You know…he’s the guy who screamed like a girl when he saw the Balrog in Moria?” Caranthir pointed out. “You know… the ‘Ai! A Balrog!’ guy.”] That pretty much sums up Legolas, doesn’t it? lol Those poor Sindar get no respect. I would love to see this one staged with actors in costume bantering this great dialogue with expert timing. It would make for a great dvd extra on the next Peter Jackson Middle-earth extravaganza. :-)

Reviewed by: Elleth  ✧  Score: 4

There's not much I can say, I'm still chortling too hard. Who would have thought that with the Final Battle coming and Morgoth about to attack, the Finweans (the Feanorians especially, oh dear, the Feanorians) have nothing better to do than to engage in a familial dispute? In other words, everyone take cover unless you'd like to be the target of their bickering next! But do read the story!

Reviewed by: Raksha the Demon  ✧  Score: 4

A funny thing happened on the way to the Last Battle. Well, at least a very funny conversation; when Alassante brings several famous Elves out of Mandos and Aman for the final conflict with Morgoth. I love the barracks-style dialogue; and the trading of barbs over issues that include First Age/Age of Trees grudges and twentieth century motivational literature...

Reviewed by: Ellie  ✧  Score: 4

Alassante has presented us a with a bit of fun and a lot of silliness in her little venture into the Final Battle with "Tears on the Battlefield". The tears were so not what I was expecteing though I must admit. Also the one sheding the tears was just about the last person I expected to to see shed a tear. The ribbing and banter among the different characters was light a fun to read. Nicely done!

Reviewed by: Fiondil  ✧  Score: 4

You would think that with the Final Battle looming, the Feanorians would have more important things to do than gripe at each other, but families are like that and this is one dysfunctional family even after all that time in Mandos. This is an hysterical little vignette full of great lines. One of my personal favorites is [“Please just don’t kill him. I’m tired of the Halls of Waiting. Who knew they wouldn’t be co-ed?” Amras pouted.]. Alassante has a flair for tongue-in-cheek humor and I love the title; there will indeed be tears, tears of laughter as one reads this.

Reviewed by: Larner  ✧  Score: 4

Oh, dear--with this crew, it's a wonder indeed if the Final Battle will ever take place! And Namo is, in spite of his complaints, remarkably patient as he waits for the second Legolas to lead the pride of the Noldor into the fray! Indeed, there is a good chance that this time Morgoth may have the chance to know victory! Heh! A cute inventory of First Age Elves facing the End of Days!

Reviewed by: The Lauderdale  ✧  Score: 4

An hysterical look at the Feanorians and friends (or should that be "friends"?) as they prepare for the Last Battle, where they will be led by Legolas of all people! [“You know… the ‘Ai! A Balrog!’ guy.”] Rendered in HIGHLY informal speech, the catty snarking of these ancient Elves - the epitome of grim and somber in their canonical appearances - is a real delight. Lines like [“Your boy has been wandering the beach way too long"], said of Maglor, and [“Oh go make your woman some pretty jewelry already"], said of Celebrimbor, royally cracked me up.

Reviewed by: Virtuella  ✧  Score: 3

I giggled a lot when I read this ficlet, a wonderfully silly conversation of totally out of character Elves that nevertheless seems somehow...very...convincing. Of course, I have to approve of anything that's having a stab at Legolas...