Dissection of the Common WoodElf, Telerius Galadh

Author: bryn_bnw

Nominator: unknown

2004 Award Category: Races: Elves

Story Type: Other Fiction  ✧  Length: unknown

Rating: PG  ✧  Reason for Rating: N/A

Summary: Observation and Dissection of the Common Wood-Elf (Telerius galadh). Why do Elves glow? How does an Elf walk on snow? Methods of reproduction? It's Legolas as you've never seen him before.

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Review scores are not available for 2004.

Reviewed by: Thundera Tiger  ✧  Score: N/A

This story is one of a kind. There's a wonderfully quirky sense of humor about it that isn't afraid to border on the inane or silly. And the story revels in it. The very idea of dissecting Legolas is ludicrous at the same time brilliant, and that's what I love best about this story. It seamlessly combines elements of pure genius with things that are so absurd they had me rolling with laughter. I honestly don't know how Bryn pulled this off. If I did, I would copy it in a heartbeat. The entire process (from failed attempts at trapping Legolas, to the avoidance of discussing how exactly poor Legolas dissected, to the futile attempt at explaining a fantasy creature through scientific means) is hilarious, ridiculous, and one of most brilliant examples of farcical writing that I've ever had the pleasure to read.

Reviewed by: Ainaechoiriel  ✧  Score: N/A

Well, I'm not happy at all that Legolas had to die for this knowledge to be gained. But this line was just precious: "The Elfs hair color could not be determined, as it appeared to change in various lights, ranging from dark brown to platinum blonde. Under ultra-violet light, it appeared green." '

Reviewed by: Avonaus  ✧  Score: N/A

This one always makes me smile. Nicely serious nonsense.

Reviewed by: Ellbee  ✧  Score: N/A

Bwahaha! Most educational and informative. I was very interested (and strangely pleased) to learn of Legolas's proficiency in swearing, and find the potential connection of Elves with jellyfish to be fascinating.

Reviewed by: ElenaTiriel  ✧  Score: N/A

This story is just -- evil. Pure evil. You know how it is when you see a comedian take a pratfall and you have to laugh, knowing that pratfalls are a low sense of humor that you don't wish to succumb to? Well, this story is like that. I don't want to laugh, but can't help myself. I laughed at the standard M. S. capture tactic (carefully selecting the most appropriate type), "skilled in the art of archery and swearing", and many other parts. The bioluminescence and associated conjecture on the descent of Elves is, um, most unique! I most enjoyed the dig at Tolkien's incomplete family trees, leading to speculation about asexual reproduction or hermaphroditism! This is such a funny, sly story; I really enjoy it!