The Hostage

Author: Darth Fingon

Nominator: Olorime

2011 Award Category: Humor: General - Honorable Mention

Story Type: Story  ✧  Length: Short Story

Rating: Teen  ✧  Reason for Rating: Mature Language/Themes,Sexual Content

Summary: Haldir sets out on a noble quest to rescue the King from Thangorodrim.

Read the Story

Reviewed by: Adonnen Estenniel  ✧  Score: 10

This story was pointless (in the very best of ways, to be sure) and exceedingly amusing. The author's comical portrayal of the Noldor was endlessly funny, and Maedhros's jokes were worth more than a few chuckles, and his terrible poetry was fantastic. The horse was, as no doubt intended, one of the highpoints of the story (faintly reminiscent of C.S. Lewis's talking horses, only a sight less child-appropriate), and his character was so entertaining I think more time should have been devoted to his personality, though I could say the same about all aspects of this piece. To give the author credit, the characters were all unflinchingly annoying, but still managed to make me laugh. An impressive feat. Beyond that, the humorous interpretation of Fingon's rescue of Maedhros was unexpected and unique. It certainly raised questions. One of the most interesting (and potentially side-splitting) things was the last word--'again'. As if the contents of the story had happened to Haldir previously. That single thought, more than anything else, was the real clincher for the piece. The Hostage is a truly silly tale with no point except to amuse its readers, yet it fulfills that intent so well I am hardly about to complain.

Reviewed by: Russandol  ✧  Score: 7

I have rarely laughed as hard or as often as while reading this story. Two haughty Noldor take advantage of the most clueless Sinda in Middle-earth after we find out what undoubtedly is the truth about the daring rescue of Maedhros from Thangorodrim. Forget harps and eagles, Haldir is our hero (Fingon wasn't even there!) The story is crammed with the type of absurd logic that makes you believe you've followed the white rabbit down the hole in Alice in Wonderland. The songs Maedhros makes up about Haldir's bottom are atrociously funny, same as his puns. The failed random idea, including the signs, are just outrageous. On top of everything else, Haldir's talking horse steals the limelight even from Fingon, who is unlikeable because he is so arrogant in a Noldorin way, if that makes any sense at all. Probably not, but never mind. One final thing. I demand to know what made Haldir say "again". Fabulous fic!

Reviewed by: Himring  ✧  Score: 6

A shoo-in for the Filthiest Maedhros Ever Award! I mean that literally, of course. Other stories have attempted to be realistic about the sheer amount of dirt implied by the Thangorodrim episode, but this story outstrips them easily without straining itself. For a Slashy Santa story, this one also has an unusually pragmatic attitude towards the sexual act (basically a roll in the hay minus the hay). The Noldor seem rather short of virtues such as common gratitude--although it would probably dampen anyone's gratitude a bit to learn that one has been rescued by mistake. Poor Haldir! The most intelligent character in the story seems to be the horse. The horse is brilliant. It reminds me of one I encountered in a novel by Tanith Lee; I think they must be second cousins once removed...

Reviewed by: Liadan  ✧  Score: 4

This is a truly great story. Maedhros' rescue comes from a very unexpected source -- from someone other than Fingon, a Sindar with a talking horse -- and then the 'trials' of rescuer and rescued really begin. But when the travelers do meet Fingon on the road, things change drastically and the Noldor princes prove once again that no good deed ever goes unpunished; though I really think that Fingon should have given Haldir a reward anyway.

Reviewed by: elfscribe  ✧  Score: 4

Haldir's plan to rescue a King and then ransom him for a bunch of money, well, doesn't turn out at all like he expected. I really enjoyed this inventive piece with its great comedic timing, unexpected twists, and characters annoying each other. The talking horse is priceless. The dialogue is snappy and so funny. Here's a sample: ["Oh good," gasped the horse. "I think you've killed me." "I hit my head," groaned the filthy Elf. "I hit my everything," whimpered Haldir. "You hit me," said the horse. "No, I really did hit my head," said the filthy Elf. "I'm imagining that your horse can talk." "Try hitting it again," Haldir suggested. "You'll be far luckier if you can imagine him shutting up."] I found this story equally delightful upon a second read. Well done.

Reviewed by: Darkover  ✧  Score: 2

This is an amusing, totally AU slash story, although it is not explicit. More tongue-in-cheek than anything else. Not bad.