A Mirkwood Spider Landed On My Front Porch
Author: Nieriel Raina
2011 Award Category: Humor: Comedy/Drama - Second Place
Story Type: Story ✧ Length: Short Story
Rating: Teen ✧ Reason for Rating: Mature Language/Themes,Sexual Content
Summary: A True Story. What happens when creatures and people from Middle-earth move in? Your life is NEVER the same. Spiders on the porch? A warg in the house? Elves in (and coming out of) the closet? A dwarf in the kitchen? Welcome to my life...
Reviewed by: Himring ✧ Score: 10
Well, I had better leave a review, hadn't I? After all, I do not wish to be eaten by a giant spider and share the fate of any unhappy salesmen who turn up on Nieriel Raina's front porch. Besides, surely, it is only good manners to acknowledge excellent and helpful advice, such as she gives us here? I will henceforward be very careful about checking out any bumps, thumps or rustling noises, be they in the closet, bathroom or wherever (and nevertheless purchase some "Forest Scent", just in case I find a certain person using my toilet), as I really do not have the space to fit in quite as many people into my household as she does. Besides, I like a bit of peace and quiet at night and don't fancy stumbling over naked bodies when I go to get a drink of water. Also, I wouldn't mind getting free supplies from Starbucks by elven courier (vanilla cones, yum!), but I would really prefer to write my stories myself rather than have them dictated to me by any spider or warg or other denizen of Arda, however angsty or steamy their work may be, because I... Oh, ouch!! (An elegant, but over-tall figure perched on the edge of my desk among the piles of dog-eared and yellowing paper has just bent down and rapped me sharply on the knuckles.) Oh dear. Too late now.
Reviewed by: The Lauderdale ✧ Score: 7
Dang, we never got to find out what the warg's side of the story is, and he's my favorite character! Forget about NÃ¡mo, the emo Morpheus look-alike, or Glorfindel the naked Elven bish. Forget Thranduil's silky boxers, his "are-they-aren't-they?" thing with GlÃ³in, and the similarly ambiguous relationship between their sons. And forget about Finrod - poor, poor Finrod - because that warg completely steals the story. He reads fanfic! He loves Legomance! He is the ultimate shaggy dog in this shaggy dog story! Although Legs, the Mirkwood spider, comes pretty close. The two of them make a magnificent team, sort of the representative dark races in a house that is bursting with goody two-shoes. And the idea of two authors with such excellent credentials frequenting fanfiction.net is both charming and reassuring. I think I can sleep better at night, knowing that the spider and the warg are out there, plotting their next fic.
Reviewed by: Raksha the Demon ✧ Score: 5
Wouldn't it be the ultimate trip for a Tolkien fanfic writer to have some of the denizens of Middle-earth living with them? Wishful thinking, or metaphoric thinking, since they live in our heads. But Nieriel Raina makes it real and makes it funny, when a whopping 40-pound spider takes up a benign residence on her narrator's property, and then it's like, Bring on the Arda-Gang. Imagine One, Two, Three or more Elves sharing your bathroom and arguing about the usage of the blow-dryer. Imagine the Balrog Slayer sharing your bed; and visits from Goth wannabe Namo a.k.a. Mandos and his terrifying wife. That's just what this very enjoyable story does; and the result is much good, clean (well, semi-R-rated) fun.
Reviewed by: Scarlet10 ✧ Score: 4
What can I say about this hilarious tale? That I pity (envy maybe?) the "leading character" for having this number of gorgeous, naked, elves on her couch? Or that having a spider as confidant is a bit....(wink) well, I read my share of Mirkwood horrors... Or that I couldn't stop laughing through most of the chapters? For me, it is "all of the above" :-) I loved this story and intend to read it again, just for the laugh.
Reviewed by: obsidianj ✧ Score: 3
This is hilarious. The mind of a writer is a dangerous place. Just imagining all these people in the house would make me crazy. I had to laugh at the image of Thranduil doing his business.
Reviewed by: haldirsbaby ✧ Score: 2
Absolutely Brilliant, Nieriel. Loved this a lot. Imaginative, and humorous. Can we say....Funny?! Well Written, I love the idea of a friendly 'Guard' Spider.