Middle-Earth Fanfiction Awards

Kill It Before It Multiplies

Author: Beruthiel's Cat
Nominator: Nieriel Raina
2009 Award Category: Genres: Humor

Story Type: Story : Length: Ficlet
Rating: General -- Reason for Rating: N/A
Summary: Complete Oneshot, not part of a series. Never let it be said the Valar don't know how to have fun...


Reviewed by: Thundera Tiger -- Score: 6

I really like bagpipe music, but even I will admit that a live bagpipe indoors is never a good thing. The phrase ["hung-over goat"] is not an exaggeration. If anything, it might even be on the generous side. I was wincing in sympathy by the time Manwe was through torturing Varda. But not too much sympathy, because I was also busy laughing at the thought that Varda had attacked the bagpipe with a broom. Once I figured out what was going on, I had to go back and read that section over again. But perhaps the best part of all was the imagery that came when Varda gave me the disturbing but hilarious mental picture of Tulkas forcing Namo into a kilt. I wonder what Manwe would have to threaten or offer in order to convince Tulkas to follow through on that particular suggestion.

Reviewed by: Aeärwen -- Score: 5

Oh, this is priceless!! It took a while to figure out exactly what Varda was talking about. But once Manwë began his demonstration, I started to laugh. And considering I have bronchitis at the moment, I laughed until I coughed, and still laughed some more. This is as twisted and uproariously funny as anything I've read in this fandom. I shudder to think of what that demostration sounded like, and I'm certainly glad that I won't be around when Manwë "livens" up his brother's domain. I don't think ANYBODY is gonna want to be around at that point in time. Hilarious! Very well written! Thank you for the laugh!

Reviewed by: viv -- Score: 4

Hee! I can't compose much coherent applause here without giving away the reveal, and I don't want to hide a rec behind a spoiler warning. Suffice to say that the Truth dawns slowly, and the scene becomes very vivid. What a fun moment with the Valar! I always suspected that they had these lighter moments when doom wasn't impending. (Also, the title is brilliant.)

Reviewed by: Clodia -- Score: 4

I love this little snippet of Valarin domestic life; and the idea of Varda menaced by Yavanna’s excessively leggy creations is hilarious! The characterisation of Manwe (turning Namo into a Scotsman? It’s SO nice to see him with a sense of humour!) is a delight, as is this snippet of life in Valinor with the Valar. But the punchline here is best of all. Describing the, er, object in question throughout as though it were a real animal is very nicely done. All in all, this is a wonderful, crazy piece!

Reviewed by: Larner -- Score: 4

Ah! It would appear that the Queen of Stars doesn't like strange things that appear to have too many appendages and that make strange, screeching noises! This one is particularly repulsive, being plaid and apparently inspiring Manwe to garb himself in a plaid skirt.... A hilarious marital scene set on Taniquetl, although it appears Varda would really prefer to find a tanning salon somewhere to dealing with this intended gift. A wonderful evoker of grins!

Reviewed by: Dreamflower -- Score: 3

Okay, now that I've stopped cackling, I can say this is quite hilarious! Although, actually, I am rather fond of the "creature" in question when it is being handled by someone who knows what they are doing! But I can certainly understand the reactions of the Valar to this particular specimen. LOL!

Reviewed by: Virtuella -- Score: 3

Oh, great, that gave me the giggles. Bagpipes indoors are indeed a torture that's hard to bear, as I know from painful experience. They were, after all, invented to be used outdoors and with the purpose to raise terror in the hearts of the enemy!

Reviewed by: Nieriel Raina -- Score: 2

A hilarious look at the Valar. Most shocking and extremely funny. Almost as good as a bottle of good red wine.

Reviewed by: SurgicalSteel -- Score: 1

I cackled when I read this - absolutely hilarious!

Reviewed by: Sevilodorf -- Score: 1

Rolling on the floor. Hilarious, and you held off on the reveal just long enough.