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Msg# 4678
Genres: Humor, Check Ballot #3 Posted by Ainaechoiriel June 09, 2005 - 1:50:54 Topic ID# 4678Check Ballots for Main Category Genres: Humor
Proper Course of Action, A (78): Aliana
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Over dinner at Dunharrow, Aragorn and his friends discuss the Denethor
Situation.
The Highwayman (330): ErinRua
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Englebert is a bold, brash highwayman a bit down on his luck. When he choses
the Burping Troll as his next conquest, things don't really go quite as
planned ...
Debbie Does the Two Towers (896): Gypsie Rose
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Numerous comedic references to sexual activity.
Nothing graphic or explained.
Romance Partners: The entire fellowship and then some/OFC
The ultimate parody self-insertion is back to save Middle Earth! So many
cute guys, so little time....
Best Laid Plans (455): Lamiel
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen
Just how does one surprise an Elf, anyway? Gimli and Friends plan a surprise
begetting day party for Legolas.
The Bone That He Boned From Its Owner (1237): lilybaggins
R, Reason for Rating: sexual fantasy
Romance Partners: Frodo/Troll
Remember those stone trolls? Frodo certainly does.
Real Men Wear Jewelry (488): Mouse
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: various m/f
Sequel to "If Women Had Ruled Middle-earth". The boys trade opinions of
wine, women, and song while pumping iron in Mandos' weight room.
Silmarillion knowledge required.
Comfort Me Not With Cookies (290): Raksha the Demon
PG-13, Reason for Rating: parody with m/f, m/m, human/elf,
Romance Partners: Practically everyone
A very AU angst-fic parody originally written for for a challege to produce
the blueprint for a story I would never write. It's set in the movie-verse,
but includes an OFC, and about every bad fanfic cliche imaginable.
GimlI: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual (1157): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour, sexual suggestiveness
Romance Partners: Legolas/Gimli
This text, recently discovered in the Chamber of Mazarbul, is the ultimate
guide to Gimli, son of Gloin. This is the user guide that was described by
“The Khazad-dum Times” as “Worth its weight in mithril”.
The Gift (1156): Theresa Green
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Legolas/Gimli
Prince Eldarion’s first birthday is fast approaching and Legolas and Gimli
are having trouble deciding what to buy for him. Humourous vignette.
Warning: mild slash.
Very Dark, Very Wet, and Very Miserable Morning, A (592): Thundera Tiger
PG, Reason for Rating: Offhand mentions of torture
Romance Partners: n/a
Sometimes, it just doesn't pay to be evil. And even if your bed is
underwater, there are some mornings when you're better off staying in it. A
vignette about a rather bad day in the life of Barad-dûr's commander.
Passwords (1210): White Gull
G, Reason for Rating: G
Romance Partners: None
What *really* happened on Moria's doorstep.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Animals
Of Elvish Equitation and Shiny Things (660): AngelsFall
PG-13, Reason for Rating: bawdy humour, sexual suggestion
Romance Partners: n/a
Two elves, some wine, and a high king's horse. Iluvatar help us all.
When pigs do Fly (975): Elendiari22
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Merry and Pippin come to visit Faramir and Eowyn at Emyn Arnen five years
after the Ring War, and play witness to some very strange and amusing
events. Animals courtesy of Radagast the Brown. Written for Marigold's
Challenge #12
Eagle Silmarillion, The (554): Tehta
PG, Reason for Rating: eagle humour
Romance Partners: n/a
An attempt to make sense of the mystery surrounding Glorfindel's
reappearance in Middle-earth, presented using a rarely seen perspective.
Ailurophobia (115): Werecat
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Violence, although nothing graphic.
Romance Partners: n/a
Ailurophobia means "fear of felines". This story discusses the fate of one
of Tolkien's abandoned characters from the Lost Tales: this of Telvido,
Prince of Cats.
Night Course in Pet Care (360): Werecat
PG-13, Reason for Rating: violence
Romance Partners: n/a
A story inspired from this tantalising question: were fell beasts
house-trained? Set in Carn Dûm, it sheds light to an unknown side of the
Witch-king and his, well, household. Introducing Fuinraw, the Chieftain of
the Cats of Angmar.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Aragorn
The Willing Teacher and the Apt Pupil (209): Elen Kortirion
PG-13, Reason for Rating: adult themes
Romance Partners: n/a
A tale of bawdy humour - of how Aragorn learned a new skill.
The Scruff Factor (293): jastaelf
G, Reason for Rating: G-rated
Romance Partners: n/a
How DID Aragorn come to be neat & tidy for Elrond's Council?
Sneezes and Sword Fights (747): Joanna
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen
Warrior, Ranger, King of Men, it matters not. Here is the proof that all men
are incredibly hard to deal with when they get sick. After discovering this
for herself, Arwen leaves Legolas to care for her ill -- and ill-tempered --
husband. Sequel to "Dragons or Ribbons"
Advice (556): Theresa Green
R, Reason for Rating: risque humour, "slightly-more-than-implied" slash
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen, Gimli/Legolas
Humorous vignette. Aragorn turns to Legolas and Gimli for guidence on...
ahem... a personal matter.
Advice Taken (557): Theresa Green
R, Reason for Rating: erotic content, risque humour
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen, Gimli/Legolas
Sequel to "Advice". Aragorn has a host of new ideas, but can he put them
into action?
Aragorn: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual (1154): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen
Thinking of buying an ARAGORN this summer? Own one already but can't find
the button to turn him on? Then look no further than this authoritative
guide to the operation and upkeep of your trusty Ranger.
Birthday's Eve (558): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: erotic content, risque humour
Romance Partners: Legolas/Gimli
On the eve of his son's birthday, Aragorn is finding life as King of Gondor
somewhat stressful. Could a day with two old friends be the answer? Sequel
to "The Gift".
Friends in Small Spaces (102): Varda's Servant
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Aragorn finds himself in quite an - interesting situation. One-shot
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Children
Fool of a Took and the Tree Wizard (1146): AngieT
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Seven year old Pippin meets Gandalf…
The Travelling Mouse of Númenor (674): Berzerker Prime
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: Faramir/Éowyn
Written in the spirit of Tolkien's "There Is an Inn". At the coronation of
King Elessar, Faramir and Samwise attempt to entertain some of the Citadel's
youngest guests.
The Littlest Balrog (690): Dragon
PG-13, Reason for Rating: butcher/nature film type gore
Romance Partners: n/a
The Dark Lord has a very busy day looking after five cuddly little darlings.
Well... almost little darlings. AU. Very, very AU. Features Melkor, Sauron,
Gothmog and original baby Balrogs. Cuddly baby Balrog story complete with
milk-fangs, "orc-birds", finger salts in the fire, the gruesome game of
"Beetle", unfortunate babysitters, frightening nightmares, Balrog puberty
and the painful task of horns coming through. Although it is rated "General"
one chapter contains butcher/nature film type gore which may upset some
readers.
"The Story of Poor, Unfortunate, Toffin" (764): grey_wonderer
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
This story takes place in Gondor and in The Shire. Just a bit of silliness
in which Merry , Frodo, and Pippin remember an incident when Pippin was 8
and Merry was 16. Sam is hearing the story for the first time.
The trouble with Jam (882): grey_wonderer
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Six-year-old Pippin goes in search of Jam.
Dragons or Ribbons (443): Joanna
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: N/A
The lengths any self-respecting, valiant elf-warrior will go to in order to
win the approval of the King's five year old daughter. Legolas entertains
Aragorn's youngest child upon his return to Minas Tirith.
Serious Trouble (216): Karenator
PG, Reason for Rating: mild violence
Romance Partners: n/a
Excerpts from the 'Book of Memories', a remembrance compiled by the nephew
of King Thranduil, recounting a lively Elven childhood in the royal House of
Oropher. The adventures of Legolas and Daeron as seen through Daeron's eyes.
The curiosity of two elflings leads them into the woods and into danger.
The Eavesdropper (867): MysteriousWays
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
A peek into Frodo's chiildhood.
Playtime (651): Naresha
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Erestor gets stuck babysitting the young twins for Glorfindel.
Yule Dinner (1339): Red Autumn
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Pippin takes exception to the main course to be served at the Yule Dinner...
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Drabble
The Muster of Rohan (281): Branwyn
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
For one Rohirric troop, discretion really is the better part of valor. A
short tale about the gift of a banner.
"They have a Cave Troll" (572): Gwynnyd
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
The Cave Troll succumbs to the lure of the ring during the fight in the
Chamber of Mazarbul.
Heirlooms (402): Gwynnyd
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Elrohir tries to talk Aragorn out of carrying the Shards of Narsil into the
Wild.
The Protocol of Princes (26): maranya14
G, Reason for Rating: none
Romance Partners: N/A
Eomer schools Faramir in one of the finer points of Rohirric law.
The Heirs of Isildur (24): Marta
G, Reason for Rating: none
Romance Partners: n/a
Elrond confronts the long legacy of Isildur.
Not Permitted (545): Tanaqui
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
A "Boromir lives" AU: Boromir is steward and must deal with the full
responsibilities of that office.
Command Performance (641): Vistula the Dunadan
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Denethor faces one of the trials of fatherhood
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Elves
The Elladan Show (1271): Claudi007
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: n/a
Elladan's university situation worsens. Elrohir may just be getting crazier.
Sequel to "Home for the Holidays".
A Circlet of Orange Flowers (1027): LKK
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
A few hours after an accidentally overheard conversation in Mirkwood.
Flowers in His hair (1028): LKK
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Some conversations aren’t meant to be overheard.
Anticipation (1092): LOTR_lover
PG-13, Reason for Rating: erotic content
Romance Partners: Glorfindel/OFC
A Glorfindel story. How much does a twice-born Balrog killer have to put up
with, anyway? Humor/romance. Not really slash, but with some slashy
elements. Perhaps PG-13. Glorfindel, Rumil, Original Character
A Bad Mix (648): Lussuin
PG, Reason for Rating: mild romantic content, mild violence
Romance Partners: Haldir/Erestor
Erestor and Haldir don’t exactly get along; actually they hate each other's
guts! When they get stuck in a flood and awaiting rescue, they find out they
have more things in common after all.
The Last Elf Standing (1124): Suzene Campos
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen, Elrond/Celebrían
This is a completely OOC story told in correspondences between Elrond and
Thranduil starting with a small difference of opinion at the end of the Last
Alliance and proceeding on through the destruction of the Ring. Do not read
if you object to two Elves of noble standing being portrayed as petty,
vicious bastards.
Wine, Women, Song... and Gimli (528): Suzene Campos
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Thranduil/OFC
Mirkwood Elves, strong wine, a suspicious Elvenking -- who could ask for
anything more?
Flawed and Fair (1129): Tehta
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Risque humour, erotic content, adult themes.
Romance Partners: Glorfindel/Aredhel, Glorfindel/Ecthelion
When Aredhel leaves Gondolin, Ecthelion is part of her escort. During the
journey, he will have to deal with Finwe's grandchild, spitting Sindar,
orcs, unlight, giant spiders -- and his unnatural feelings for Glorfindel.
Slash, spiky humour.
Legolas: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual (1193): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: sexual innuendo, risque humour
Romance Partners: Legolas/Gimli, Legolas/OFC
At last! The definitive User Guide to everyone's favourite wood-elf.
Warning: relentless innuendo.
Elf Slash Sarcasm (596): tyellas
R, Reason for Rating: erotic content
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Legolas, Boromir/Elrond
Described by a reader as "An object lesson in how *not* to write Tolkien
slash!" A parody featuring Elvish ways, Elrond's breeches, and lots of
fragrant alabaster skin.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Hobbits
Purple Prose (977): Aratlithiel
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Language
Romance Partners: N/A
Frodo is a bit more foul-mouthed than he'd have us think.
The Dress Code (818): Auntiemeesh
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Sam has a crisis while in Minas Tirith...
Seedlings (905): Beethoven's 7th
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
In which Frodo gets a bad case of spring fever and poor Sam's plants are the
victims.
Fair Play (701): Daffodil Bolger
R, Reason for Rating: Adult situations, sexual situations
Romance Partners: Frodo/Merry
Hobbits play football!
The Stubborness of Tooks (918): Dreamflower
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Paladin Took is a difficult patient.
Important Choices (879): grey_wonderer
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Pippin and Frodo help Merry choose a waistcoat for a very important
occasion.
Wagers In Rivendell (1233): grey_wonderer
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Merry gambles on his knowledge of his younger cousin.
Pippin's Patent Remedies (1164): Llinos/Melilot Hill CoAuthors
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
No 1. Headache Cure; Frodo has a headache and Pippin tries to help. No 2.
Remedies for a Broken Heart; Pippin tries to heal Gimli's aching heart.
Ernil I Pheriannath (1174): Marigold
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Merry helps Pippin come to a realisation about his title on a post-Quest
night out on the town in Minas Tirith.
Starlight, Starbright (309): Mariposa
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: N/A
Canon. Set during the Fellowship's early travels between Rivendell and
Moria. In which Frodo tries, and fails, to bring Pippin to heel. Again.
Under the Umbrella (1194): Mysterious Jedi
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Lobelia Sackville-Baggins takes it into her head to give a tweenaged Pippin
a rather unusual punishment for disrespect.
Awakening To Sleep (819): Piplover (aka Pipfan)
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
While recovering from being crushed by a troll, Pippin has an...interesting
evening.
Under the Bed (1192): Piplover (aka Pipfan)
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Merry and Frodo explain why is Pippin afraid to sleep with a limb hanging
dangling over the edge of his mattress.
Hobbits: An Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual (1158): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Frodo/Sam, Merry/Pippin
Everything you always wanted to know about the care of hobbits, plus quite a
lot of information that you probably didn't.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Metafic
Morgoth's Notebook (123): Arandil
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Fëanor/Morgoth, Morgoth/Thranduil, Fëanor/OFC,
Thranduil/OMC, Legolas/OFC, Legolas/Arwen
Found in the ruins of what was once Angband. The original Dark Lord has
quite the knack for badfic writing (and apparently a little "thing" for
Fëanor). This is his notebook of ideas. Read at your own risk.
The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth (180): Camilla Sandman
PG-13, Reason for Rating: sexual innuendo, risque humour
Romance Partners: Gimli/OFC, other m/f
The fic that spawned mini-Balrogs, Elrond's Naturally Nine, the
Morgoth/Sauron feud, Urple, the Witch-Wall - and finally, Gimli got the
girl.
A Long, Unexpected Drabble (193): Elena Tiriel
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
One frazzled author's feeble attempt to honor Bilbo Baggins' birthday by
writing exactly one hundred and eleven words featuring a bottle of wine, a
birthday cake, the number 111, fireworks and pipe-weed.
The Confused Elf (187): Kenaz
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Haldir is one very confused elf.
Blood and Warm Blankets (451): Kielle
PG-13, Reason for Rating: erotic content
Romance Partners: Éomer/Faramir, other m/m alluded
Trapped in a cave by the rain, Éomer and Faramir realise they are cornered
by every cliché in the slash manual...
Entitlement (537): Tanaqui
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Faramir/Éowyn
A few Middle-earth characters arrive in the modern world, looking to pick a
bone with some fanfic writers. Yes, it's not an original idea... but for
once it's not slash they've come to complain about.
Beleg's Doom: or, Most Definitely Not The Lay Of Turin (42): Tehta
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Sexual innuendo involving the clueless...
Romance Partners: Turin, Beleg
Some say that character is fate. This is certainly true for Beleg, whose
single-minded focus leads him straight to his Doom.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Poetry
Ode to Legolas (5): Ainaechoiriel
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
A song parody praising the wonders of Legolas. To the tune of Amazing Grace.
Old Angband (124): Arandil
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Say what you will about him, at the end of the day, Morgoth has been a busy
little worker-bee. Doesn't the first Dark Lord deserve a drinking song as
much as the next guy?
Gimli Takes a Whack (205): Celtic Bard
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
A poem about the orc-slaying competition between Legolas and Gimli at Helm's
Deep. It parodies the poem "Casey at the Bat".
In the Style of Ogden Nash (917): Dreamflower
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Summarizing certain incidents from the books in the style of another writer.
Who Wouldn't Be a Ranger? (720): Elvenesse
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Something a group of Rangers may have sung around the campfire at night. Or
even as an, um, encouraging recruitment song.
An Ode on Aragorn's Dimple (735): Flick
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Jealousy breaks out amongst the Fellowship on the eve of their ride to the
Black Gates. AU. Very.
The Very Model of a Warden of Lothlorien (614): Kenaz
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Written in response to the news of a Lord of the Rings musical possibly
headed toward broadway, this song includes a chorus of dancing Galadhrim and
the author's sincere apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan. Feel free to sing
along!
Fathers' Day Card from Faramir (788): Llinos
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Faramir writes his father a very special Fathers Day Poem! (A separate poem
on the same page as "Denethor's Limericks")
Galadriel's Lay (763): Llinos
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Galadriel reflects on the passing of time, the elves and ponders her fate...
All I Want for Yuletide (932): Marta
R, Reason for Rating: sexual suggestion
Romance Partners: Legolas/OFC
A filk of "All I Want for Christmas": The thoughts of an OFC in a bad
romance, lusting after Legolas.
Down by the Bruinen (938): Marta
PG-13, Reason for Rating: paedophilia, implied sexuality
Romance Partners: Bilbo/Estel
A filk of Simon and Garfunkel's "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard."
Bilbo/Estel? Of course it's parody.
Orc-slaying Ditty, The (555): Tehta
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Two songs sung by the elves of Gondolin, in the form of the Imladris-elves
song in The Hobbit.
Ode to the Absent (849): thevina_finduilas
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: n/a
A different approach to Mother's Day. Short, darkly humorous poem written
after a friend asked, in regards to LotR, "Where are all the mothers?"
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Proper Course of Action, A (78): Aliana
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Over dinner at Dunharrow, Aragorn and his friends discuss the Denethor
Situation.
The Highwayman (330): ErinRua
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Englebert is a bold, brash highwayman a bit down on his luck. When he choses
the Burping Troll as his next conquest, things don't really go quite as
planned ...
Debbie Does the Two Towers (896): Gypsie Rose
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Numerous comedic references to sexual activity.
Nothing graphic or explained.
Romance Partners: The entire fellowship and then some/OFC
The ultimate parody self-insertion is back to save Middle Earth! So many
cute guys, so little time....
Best Laid Plans (455): Lamiel
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen
Just how does one surprise an Elf, anyway? Gimli and Friends plan a surprise
begetting day party for Legolas.
The Bone That He Boned From Its Owner (1237): lilybaggins
R, Reason for Rating: sexual fantasy
Romance Partners: Frodo/Troll
Remember those stone trolls? Frodo certainly does.
Real Men Wear Jewelry (488): Mouse
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: various m/f
Sequel to "If Women Had Ruled Middle-earth". The boys trade opinions of
wine, women, and song while pumping iron in Mandos' weight room.
Silmarillion knowledge required.
Comfort Me Not With Cookies (290): Raksha the Demon
PG-13, Reason for Rating: parody with m/f, m/m, human/elf,
Romance Partners: Practically everyone
A very AU angst-fic parody originally written for for a challege to produce
the blueprint for a story I would never write. It's set in the movie-verse,
but includes an OFC, and about every bad fanfic cliche imaginable.
GimlI: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual (1157): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour, sexual suggestiveness
Romance Partners: Legolas/Gimli
This text, recently discovered in the Chamber of Mazarbul, is the ultimate
guide to Gimli, son of Gloin. This is the user guide that was described by
“The Khazad-dum Times” as “Worth its weight in mithril”.
The Gift (1156): Theresa Green
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Legolas/Gimli
Prince Eldarion’s first birthday is fast approaching and Legolas and Gimli
are having trouble deciding what to buy for him. Humourous vignette.
Warning: mild slash.
Very Dark, Very Wet, and Very Miserable Morning, A (592): Thundera Tiger
PG, Reason for Rating: Offhand mentions of torture
Romance Partners: n/a
Sometimes, it just doesn't pay to be evil. And even if your bed is
underwater, there are some mornings when you're better off staying in it. A
vignette about a rather bad day in the life of Barad-dûr's commander.
Passwords (1210): White Gull
G, Reason for Rating: G
Romance Partners: None
What *really* happened on Moria's doorstep.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Animals
Of Elvish Equitation and Shiny Things (660): AngelsFall
PG-13, Reason for Rating: bawdy humour, sexual suggestion
Romance Partners: n/a
Two elves, some wine, and a high king's horse. Iluvatar help us all.
When pigs do Fly (975): Elendiari22
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Merry and Pippin come to visit Faramir and Eowyn at Emyn Arnen five years
after the Ring War, and play witness to some very strange and amusing
events. Animals courtesy of Radagast the Brown. Written for Marigold's
Challenge #12
Eagle Silmarillion, The (554): Tehta
PG, Reason for Rating: eagle humour
Romance Partners: n/a
An attempt to make sense of the mystery surrounding Glorfindel's
reappearance in Middle-earth, presented using a rarely seen perspective.
Ailurophobia (115): Werecat
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Violence, although nothing graphic.
Romance Partners: n/a
Ailurophobia means "fear of felines". This story discusses the fate of one
of Tolkien's abandoned characters from the Lost Tales: this of Telvido,
Prince of Cats.
Night Course in Pet Care (360): Werecat
PG-13, Reason for Rating: violence
Romance Partners: n/a
A story inspired from this tantalising question: were fell beasts
house-trained? Set in Carn Dûm, it sheds light to an unknown side of the
Witch-king and his, well, household. Introducing Fuinraw, the Chieftain of
the Cats of Angmar.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Aragorn
The Willing Teacher and the Apt Pupil (209): Elen Kortirion
PG-13, Reason for Rating: adult themes
Romance Partners: n/a
A tale of bawdy humour - of how Aragorn learned a new skill.
The Scruff Factor (293): jastaelf
G, Reason for Rating: G-rated
Romance Partners: n/a
How DID Aragorn come to be neat & tidy for Elrond's Council?
Sneezes and Sword Fights (747): Joanna
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen
Warrior, Ranger, King of Men, it matters not. Here is the proof that all men
are incredibly hard to deal with when they get sick. After discovering this
for herself, Arwen leaves Legolas to care for her ill -- and ill-tempered --
husband. Sequel to "Dragons or Ribbons"
Advice (556): Theresa Green
R, Reason for Rating: risque humour, "slightly-more-than-implied" slash
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen, Gimli/Legolas
Humorous vignette. Aragorn turns to Legolas and Gimli for guidence on...
ahem... a personal matter.
Advice Taken (557): Theresa Green
R, Reason for Rating: erotic content, risque humour
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen, Gimli/Legolas
Sequel to "Advice". Aragorn has a host of new ideas, but can he put them
into action?
Aragorn: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual (1154): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen
Thinking of buying an ARAGORN this summer? Own one already but can't find
the button to turn him on? Then look no further than this authoritative
guide to the operation and upkeep of your trusty Ranger.
Birthday's Eve (558): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: erotic content, risque humour
Romance Partners: Legolas/Gimli
On the eve of his son's birthday, Aragorn is finding life as King of Gondor
somewhat stressful. Could a day with two old friends be the answer? Sequel
to "The Gift".
Friends in Small Spaces (102): Varda's Servant
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Aragorn finds himself in quite an - interesting situation. One-shot
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Children
Fool of a Took and the Tree Wizard (1146): AngieT
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Seven year old Pippin meets Gandalf…
The Travelling Mouse of Númenor (674): Berzerker Prime
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: Faramir/Éowyn
Written in the spirit of Tolkien's "There Is an Inn". At the coronation of
King Elessar, Faramir and Samwise attempt to entertain some of the Citadel's
youngest guests.
The Littlest Balrog (690): Dragon
PG-13, Reason for Rating: butcher/nature film type gore
Romance Partners: n/a
The Dark Lord has a very busy day looking after five cuddly little darlings.
Well... almost little darlings. AU. Very, very AU. Features Melkor, Sauron,
Gothmog and original baby Balrogs. Cuddly baby Balrog story complete with
milk-fangs, "orc-birds", finger salts in the fire, the gruesome game of
"Beetle", unfortunate babysitters, frightening nightmares, Balrog puberty
and the painful task of horns coming through. Although it is rated "General"
one chapter contains butcher/nature film type gore which may upset some
readers.
"The Story of Poor, Unfortunate, Toffin" (764): grey_wonderer
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
This story takes place in Gondor and in The Shire. Just a bit of silliness
in which Merry , Frodo, and Pippin remember an incident when Pippin was 8
and Merry was 16. Sam is hearing the story for the first time.
The trouble with Jam (882): grey_wonderer
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Six-year-old Pippin goes in search of Jam.
Dragons or Ribbons (443): Joanna
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: N/A
The lengths any self-respecting, valiant elf-warrior will go to in order to
win the approval of the King's five year old daughter. Legolas entertains
Aragorn's youngest child upon his return to Minas Tirith.
Serious Trouble (216): Karenator
PG, Reason for Rating: mild violence
Romance Partners: n/a
Excerpts from the 'Book of Memories', a remembrance compiled by the nephew
of King Thranduil, recounting a lively Elven childhood in the royal House of
Oropher. The adventures of Legolas and Daeron as seen through Daeron's eyes.
The curiosity of two elflings leads them into the woods and into danger.
The Eavesdropper (867): MysteriousWays
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
A peek into Frodo's chiildhood.
Playtime (651): Naresha
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Erestor gets stuck babysitting the young twins for Glorfindel.
Yule Dinner (1339): Red Autumn
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Pippin takes exception to the main course to be served at the Yule Dinner...
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Drabble
The Muster of Rohan (281): Branwyn
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
For one Rohirric troop, discretion really is the better part of valor. A
short tale about the gift of a banner.
"They have a Cave Troll" (572): Gwynnyd
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
The Cave Troll succumbs to the lure of the ring during the fight in the
Chamber of Mazarbul.
Heirlooms (402): Gwynnyd
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Elrohir tries to talk Aragorn out of carrying the Shards of Narsil into the
Wild.
The Protocol of Princes (26): maranya14
G, Reason for Rating: none
Romance Partners: N/A
Eomer schools Faramir in one of the finer points of Rohirric law.
The Heirs of Isildur (24): Marta
G, Reason for Rating: none
Romance Partners: n/a
Elrond confronts the long legacy of Isildur.
Not Permitted (545): Tanaqui
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
A "Boromir lives" AU: Boromir is steward and must deal with the full
responsibilities of that office.
Command Performance (641): Vistula the Dunadan
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Denethor faces one of the trials of fatherhood
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Elves
The Elladan Show (1271): Claudi007
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: n/a
Elladan's university situation worsens. Elrohir may just be getting crazier.
Sequel to "Home for the Holidays".
A Circlet of Orange Flowers (1027): LKK
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
A few hours after an accidentally overheard conversation in Mirkwood.
Flowers in His hair (1028): LKK
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Some conversations aren’t meant to be overheard.
Anticipation (1092): LOTR_lover
PG-13, Reason for Rating: erotic content
Romance Partners: Glorfindel/OFC
A Glorfindel story. How much does a twice-born Balrog killer have to put up
with, anyway? Humor/romance. Not really slash, but with some slashy
elements. Perhaps PG-13. Glorfindel, Rumil, Original Character
A Bad Mix (648): Lussuin
PG, Reason for Rating: mild romantic content, mild violence
Romance Partners: Haldir/Erestor
Erestor and Haldir don’t exactly get along; actually they hate each other's
guts! When they get stuck in a flood and awaiting rescue, they find out they
have more things in common after all.
The Last Elf Standing (1124): Suzene Campos
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Arwen, Elrond/Celebrían
This is a completely OOC story told in correspondences between Elrond and
Thranduil starting with a small difference of opinion at the end of the Last
Alliance and proceeding on through the destruction of the Ring. Do not read
if you object to two Elves of noble standing being portrayed as petty,
vicious bastards.
Wine, Women, Song... and Gimli (528): Suzene Campos
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Thranduil/OFC
Mirkwood Elves, strong wine, a suspicious Elvenking -- who could ask for
anything more?
Flawed and Fair (1129): Tehta
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Risque humour, erotic content, adult themes.
Romance Partners: Glorfindel/Aredhel, Glorfindel/Ecthelion
When Aredhel leaves Gondolin, Ecthelion is part of her escort. During the
journey, he will have to deal with Finwe's grandchild, spitting Sindar,
orcs, unlight, giant spiders -- and his unnatural feelings for Glorfindel.
Slash, spiky humour.
Legolas: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual (1193): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: sexual innuendo, risque humour
Romance Partners: Legolas/Gimli, Legolas/OFC
At last! The definitive User Guide to everyone's favourite wood-elf.
Warning: relentless innuendo.
Elf Slash Sarcasm (596): tyellas
R, Reason for Rating: erotic content
Romance Partners: Aragorn/Legolas, Boromir/Elrond
Described by a reader as "An object lesson in how *not* to write Tolkien
slash!" A parody featuring Elvish ways, Elrond's breeches, and lots of
fragrant alabaster skin.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Hobbits
Purple Prose (977): Aratlithiel
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Language
Romance Partners: N/A
Frodo is a bit more foul-mouthed than he'd have us think.
The Dress Code (818): Auntiemeesh
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Sam has a crisis while in Minas Tirith...
Seedlings (905): Beethoven's 7th
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
In which Frodo gets a bad case of spring fever and poor Sam's plants are the
victims.
Fair Play (701): Daffodil Bolger
R, Reason for Rating: Adult situations, sexual situations
Romance Partners: Frodo/Merry
Hobbits play football!
The Stubborness of Tooks (918): Dreamflower
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Paladin Took is a difficult patient.
Important Choices (879): grey_wonderer
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Pippin and Frodo help Merry choose a waistcoat for a very important
occasion.
Wagers In Rivendell (1233): grey_wonderer
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Merry gambles on his knowledge of his younger cousin.
Pippin's Patent Remedies (1164): Llinos/Melilot Hill CoAuthors
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
No 1. Headache Cure; Frodo has a headache and Pippin tries to help. No 2.
Remedies for a Broken Heart; Pippin tries to heal Gimli's aching heart.
Ernil I Pheriannath (1174): Marigold
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Merry helps Pippin come to a realisation about his title on a post-Quest
night out on the town in Minas Tirith.
Starlight, Starbright (309): Mariposa
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: N/A
Canon. Set during the Fellowship's early travels between Rivendell and
Moria. In which Frodo tries, and fails, to bring Pippin to heel. Again.
Under the Umbrella (1194): Mysterious Jedi
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Lobelia Sackville-Baggins takes it into her head to give a tweenaged Pippin
a rather unusual punishment for disrespect.
Awakening To Sleep (819): Piplover (aka Pipfan)
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
While recovering from being crushed by a troll, Pippin has an...interesting
evening.
Under the Bed (1192): Piplover (aka Pipfan)
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Merry and Frodo explain why is Pippin afraid to sleep with a limb hanging
dangling over the edge of his mattress.
Hobbits: An Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual (1158): Theresa Green
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Frodo/Sam, Merry/Pippin
Everything you always wanted to know about the care of hobbits, plus quite a
lot of information that you probably didn't.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Metafic
Morgoth's Notebook (123): Arandil
PG-13, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Fëanor/Morgoth, Morgoth/Thranduil, Fëanor/OFC,
Thranduil/OMC, Legolas/OFC, Legolas/Arwen
Found in the ruins of what was once Angband. The original Dark Lord has
quite the knack for badfic writing (and apparently a little "thing" for
Fëanor). This is his notebook of ideas. Read at your own risk.
The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth (180): Camilla Sandman
PG-13, Reason for Rating: sexual innuendo, risque humour
Romance Partners: Gimli/OFC, other m/f
The fic that spawned mini-Balrogs, Elrond's Naturally Nine, the
Morgoth/Sauron feud, Urple, the Witch-Wall - and finally, Gimli got the
girl.
A Long, Unexpected Drabble (193): Elena Tiriel
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
One frazzled author's feeble attempt to honor Bilbo Baggins' birthday by
writing exactly one hundred and eleven words featuring a bottle of wine, a
birthday cake, the number 111, fireworks and pipe-weed.
The Confused Elf (187): Kenaz
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Haldir is one very confused elf.
Blood and Warm Blankets (451): Kielle
PG-13, Reason for Rating: erotic content
Romance Partners: Éomer/Faramir, other m/m alluded
Trapped in a cave by the rain, Éomer and Faramir realise they are cornered
by every cliché in the slash manual...
Entitlement (537): Tanaqui
PG, Reason for Rating: risque humour
Romance Partners: Faramir/Éowyn
A few Middle-earth characters arrive in the modern world, looking to pick a
bone with some fanfic writers. Yes, it's not an original idea... but for
once it's not slash they've come to complain about.
Beleg's Doom: or, Most Definitely Not The Lay Of Turin (42): Tehta
PG-13, Reason for Rating: Sexual innuendo involving the clueless...
Romance Partners: Turin, Beleg
Some say that character is fate. This is certainly true for Beleg, whose
single-minded focus leads him straight to his Doom.
SubCategory: Genres: Humor: Poetry
Ode to Legolas (5): Ainaechoiriel
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
A song parody praising the wonders of Legolas. To the tune of Amazing Grace.
Old Angband (124): Arandil
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Say what you will about him, at the end of the day, Morgoth has been a busy
little worker-bee. Doesn't the first Dark Lord deserve a drinking song as
much as the next guy?
Gimli Takes a Whack (205): Celtic Bard
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
A poem about the orc-slaying competition between Legolas and Gimli at Helm's
Deep. It parodies the poem "Casey at the Bat".
In the Style of Ogden Nash (917): Dreamflower
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Summarizing certain incidents from the books in the style of another writer.
Who Wouldn't Be a Ranger? (720): Elvenesse
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Something a group of Rangers may have sung around the campfire at night. Or
even as an, um, encouraging recruitment song.
An Ode on Aragorn's Dimple (735): Flick
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Jealousy breaks out amongst the Fellowship on the eve of their ride to the
Black Gates. AU. Very.
The Very Model of a Warden of Lothlorien (614): Kenaz
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Written in response to the news of a Lord of the Rings musical possibly
headed toward broadway, this song includes a chorus of dancing Galadhrim and
the author's sincere apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan. Feel free to sing
along!
Fathers' Day Card from Faramir (788): Llinos
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Faramir writes his father a very special Fathers Day Poem! (A separate poem
on the same page as "Denethor's Limericks")
Galadriel's Lay (763): Llinos
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: N/A
Galadriel reflects on the passing of time, the elves and ponders her fate...
All I Want for Yuletide (932): Marta
R, Reason for Rating: sexual suggestion
Romance Partners: Legolas/OFC
A filk of "All I Want for Christmas": The thoughts of an OFC in a bad
romance, lusting after Legolas.
Down by the Bruinen (938): Marta
PG-13, Reason for Rating: paedophilia, implied sexuality
Romance Partners: Bilbo/Estel
A filk of Simon and Garfunkel's "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard."
Bilbo/Estel? Of course it's parody.
Orc-slaying Ditty, The (555): Tehta
G, Reason for Rating: n/a
Romance Partners: n/a
Two songs sung by the elves of Gondolin, in the form of the Imladris-elves
song in The Hobbit.
Ode to the Absent (849): thevina_finduilas
G, Reason for Rating: N/A
Romance Partners: n/a
A different approach to Mother's Day. Short, darkly humorous poem written
after a friend asked, in regards to LotR, "Where are all the mothers?"
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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